Dear Bored,
I’m glad you asked about refreshing your marriage. Marriage has several stages and somewhere along the way it may fall into a rut. At this time you realize all the things you don’t particularly like about your husband or your marriage are not likely to ever change. This can cause a loss of hope. I remember hitting this stage and having a panic attack that I just COULDN’T live the rest of my life like this. So...
STEP NUMBER ONE is finding hope again. Reading and clinging to verses in the Bible about how our hope is in the Lord is ESSENTIAL!!!! Here are a few to get you started: Psalms 31:23, 24; 38:15; 39:7; 42:5, 11; Hebrews 10:23
THE SECOND STEP is to make Jesus your LOVER. He is the only “Man” who understands us fully, accepts us completely, loves us unselfishly, and delights to do us good always. As young girls we tend to think that our dear husband will do all of these things but that is a soap bubble that soon pops in the face of reality. No matter how wonderful a human man is he CANNOT MEET OUR INNER NEEDS. But making Jesus your lover does meet ALL of those needs so here is how you can do it.
Take time each day to sit quietly with Jesus and tell Him all of the things you love about Him just like a young in-love girl would tell her lover. Then sit quietly and tell Him you are listening for Him to speak to you. It may take a while and some self-discipline to focus on the presence of Jesus but He will speak to your heart and I have had Him actually, physically touch me in such a real way I didn’t want to move for fear He would go. This takes practice but is well worth it.
THE THIRD STEP is now to give love to your husband from the overflow of all the love you have been receiving from Jesus WITHOUT ANY EXPECTATIONS OF RESULTS in your husband coming back to you. The loving and romantic things our husbands do must become the cherry on the sundae but not the whole sundae. Then when he does respond it’s very nice but not necessary for your happiness.
Now you can do some practical things that will help. 1) Change things up, you are probably in a rut. Surprise him with an activity you used to do when dating but haven’t done in years, or if he’s a farmer bring a picnic out to him in the field then sit under the trees and ask him what is on his heart that you can pray for and if no-one is around, a little surprise hanky-panky under the trees will certainly make his day. You are looking for ways to remind him of the girl he fell in love with. 2) Plan a marriage seminar to go to once a year. A good one to try is Jimmy Evans XO Marriage Seminar. It is very practical and non-condemning. Your husband may be hesitant to go so you might just need to pay for it, set it up and kidnap him from work! Hahahahah! Tell him you know he doesn’t need it but you do. Men are born Immortal, Invincible, and all wise so they don’t NEED help so play the weak femme fatale. They do like to protect. 3) If the seminar is too hard to get going, try reading a marriage book, maybe a part of a chapter a couple evenings a week. Ask him if what you read applies to your relationship in his estimation. Share your heart but be careful not to do any condemning or you’ll sink this ship quickly. Some books that have been a blessing to Lew and me are: Making Love Last Forever by Gary Smalley; Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggeriches; Holding on to Romance by H. Norman Wright; Intimate Marriage by Charles M. Sell; Naked Marriage by Dave and Ashley Willis and His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley Jr.
There are lots of good books out there but these will get you started. 4) Ask occasionally, “Tell me one thing I don’t know about your childhood or high school years. “ After 47 years of marriage something came up just the other day about my husband in a conversation that I had never known. This can be kind of a fun game.
STEP NUMBER FOUR. Here are some verses to look up on the ability Jesus has to do these things for you: Acts 20:32; Romans 4:20,21;14:4; 2 Corinthians 9:8; Ephesians 3:16-21; 2 Timothy 1:12 and Jude 1:24
Be of good cheer! You don’t have to conquer this all in one day. The Lord wants your marriage to be a shining example of life more than you do and He will help you as He has helped me for 47 years..