As couples are married for a while, life can get both very busy as well as very routine and their warmth of relationship can begin to grow cold. A marriage is a living organism that must be fed and nurtured or it can die. Here are some ideas that may help to restore the heartbeat of your marriage.
1) Think Back - Often the things we did to woo each other and win each other's heart in the first place will also revive the warmth later on. How much time did you talk with just each other? How often and what kinds of fun activities did you do? You were in a learning curve about each other then. Are you making the mistake of thinking you know everything about your spouse now? Try reviving some of the things you used to do together.
2) Learn More - Start asking questions of your spouse like, "Tell me what was your favorite activity when you were in grade school?", "Who was your closest friend in high school and why?", "What did you like best about your Mom/Dad when you were a child?", "Who was your favorite sibling growing up and why?". So, there may be more to learn about your spouse that will help you see their heart more clearly.
3) Date Frequently - Dating got you married and can keep you married. How often and what kind of dating needs to be agreed upon by both of you. A date doesn't have to be fancy. It can be a hike, a picnic, a ride in scenic country, going to a zoo or aquarium or a movie with popcorn at home. But it needs to be a time when you focus on each other, communicate your heart needs, and realize again that you like each other. BTW, if you choose a movie there are two rules: 1. Don't fall asleep! 2. Talk about it after it is over. Which character was most like you? Which do you admire most and why, etc.? Dating took effort before you were married and it will take effort now.
4) Pray Together - Especially if you are mad at each other. Kneeling down at the couch together and spilling out your hearts to God gives Him a chance to make a huge difference in your fight. Make prayer together a habit and your hearts will open up more and more to each other and fights won't happen as often.
5) Pray For Each Other - Stormie Omartian has some books called The Power of a Praying Wife, Husband and Parent. In these books are prayers that will remind you of needs your spouse has that you may not be thinking of. I have prayed these prayers for my husband for many years and it's fun now to see how many of them God has answered for my husband.
6) Write A List - Make two lists concerning your spouse. One is: "Things I like about my spouse" and the other is: "Things I don't like". Start telling your spouse at least 3 times a week and build up to every day, one thing you like about them. You will find your list will grow as you focus and share this. Take the "Things I don't like" list and tell God you forgive your spouse and give this to Him. Then pray for God to meet your spouse's needs in this area. Don't pray to change them, pray to heal them.
As you put some thought and effort into revisiting the warmth of your marriage, you will reap beautiful dividends. But give it some time and perseverance. Some valuable things grow slowly like Oak trees and jewels in the earth.
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